No matter how much effort one can put in to avoid change and risk, we all feel pain Rafael. Some with broken nails, some with broken lives but to each individually it's meaningful, it's our own personal problems made up of the thoughts we entertain, the dreams we have, the experiences we lived and how we decided to encode them in our minds.
Pain then can have different impact on different people. Some choose succumb underneath it. They let themselves get crushed by the potency of pain and how hard it can bite, and as a result they retract. They shrink, they stop and go back to their comfortable lives not going anywhere near it again.
Others, understand that pain is an immense driving force that all the great people that lived before us used as fuel for the purpose of increasing their personal threshold, to grow and learn from everything that happens to them, good or bad because you can always take something with you from the experience. Show me a great man, and he'll probably have at least one great pain.
Pain produces things inside you, Rafael. Don't run from it. Pain is a necessary part of learning to be comfortable being uncomfortable. And from that pain you can build tolerance, resilience, endurance and the strength of character that comes with it. Marcus Aurelius said "Nothing is so conducive to greatness of mind as the ability to subject each element of our experience in life to methodical and truthful examination".
And yes, pain is uncomfortable. It's supposed to. It's hard because it prepares you for life, and is the ultimate measure of will: you either want something bad enough to endure the pain, or you be like everyone else and don't get it.
But beware that it can also break you if you don't develop the habit of overcoming and improving yourself. Pain can make you quit, can make you give up on your goals and dreams, can make you start making excuses to yourself and come up with great explanations on how you're not even sure if you'd be successful. But it can go deeper than that. In your darkest moments, remember there's new life that will come from it. The sun will begin to rise next, so you can't give up. You need to get back up and endure the pain.
See if for what it is, and understand how it shaped who you are and you'll master the pain and learn to use it to your advantage. Reflect on your pains, the many you'll have as we all do, and use it as the beautiful tool it can be to imprint meaning in your life, but let this reasoning itself cause no pain as only your own judgment can harm you.
"Accept humbly: let go easily."
Sunday, 20 March 2016
Wednesday, 3 February 2016
On Life's Variability: 'This too shall pass away'
As men and women, we're not static. There's no such thing as something that is kept constant in the human mind, as I believe that we're all either growing or shrinking, and it's our own individual choices that guide how we evolve. When one decides to stop to learn, to stop growing, getting better or decides one's 'good enough', that's when human decay sets in and people start losing abilities.
Life itself, isn't static either. One moment you're on the top of the world, you feel great about yourself and your achievements, and then something happens and you get melancholic and sad and demotivated, and even start questioning not only your capabilities but your fitness to have an opinion.
This is inherently human and happens to all of us, at different stages of your lives with varying degrees of impact in our own minds, positive or negative.
But, as rational beings we are, it's our own choice on how we deal with moments of pain and discomfort and sadness and even despair, just as its our own choice on how we deal with moments of love, affection, excitement and achievement. But even independently of how we choose to deal with any of the above, most fail to see that all is transient. Nothing is static. That it's part of life to have ups and downs, and just because you can't see a way out of a problem at the moment doesn't mean you won't be over it in a couple of months.
And that's where most people fail. They achieve one state, happy or sad, and assume that's their new reality. That's their new 'them', and that nothing will ever change. Until it does... over and over again.
Abraham Lincoln, the American president, in one of his famous speeches told the following tale:
'It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!'
This is the essence of living, Rafael. Never feel entitled. Never assume that where you are now is where you'll always be, because you'll be wrong. Expect great achievements if you're putting in the work, but expect great losses and disappointments because they happen to everyone. And use every opportunity that comes your way, as a growth tool giving you either lessons or blessings. And whatever you do, know that you can plan all you want but nothing will ever come out exactly as you imagined it. It's life's variability that makes it worth living, that makes it worth waking up every single day to see what's lined up for you. Everyday being a new battle.
One last note of caution though. Don't assume that what happens to you is a measure of your worth. It's not. Just because you won, doesn't make you a winner and just because you lost, doesn't make you a loser.
What is a measure of your worth is how you respond to what happens to you, and if you'll allow external circumstances to affect the core of your being because for most, their feelings and emotions are what's in control of their lives, not their directing mind. And if you choose to live like that, be prepared for constant disappointment and ruminating on the same stuff over and over again, because life will keep knocking you down and you won't have the tools to get back up.
Work on developing personal resilience, never thinking too highly of yourself and expect that both failure and success will come your way everyday. And when it does, see if for what it really is and not for how you wish to feel it knowing 'it too shall pass away'
Life itself, isn't static either. One moment you're on the top of the world, you feel great about yourself and your achievements, and then something happens and you get melancholic and sad and demotivated, and even start questioning not only your capabilities but your fitness to have an opinion.
This is inherently human and happens to all of us, at different stages of your lives with varying degrees of impact in our own minds, positive or negative.
But, as rational beings we are, it's our own choice on how we deal with moments of pain and discomfort and sadness and even despair, just as its our own choice on how we deal with moments of love, affection, excitement and achievement. But even independently of how we choose to deal with any of the above, most fail to see that all is transient. Nothing is static. That it's part of life to have ups and downs, and just because you can't see a way out of a problem at the moment doesn't mean you won't be over it in a couple of months.
And that's where most people fail. They achieve one state, happy or sad, and assume that's their new reality. That's their new 'them', and that nothing will ever change. Until it does... over and over again.
Abraham Lincoln, the American president, in one of his famous speeches told the following tale:
'It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!'
This is the essence of living, Rafael. Never feel entitled. Never assume that where you are now is where you'll always be, because you'll be wrong. Expect great achievements if you're putting in the work, but expect great losses and disappointments because they happen to everyone. And use every opportunity that comes your way, as a growth tool giving you either lessons or blessings. And whatever you do, know that you can plan all you want but nothing will ever come out exactly as you imagined it. It's life's variability that makes it worth living, that makes it worth waking up every single day to see what's lined up for you. Everyday being a new battle.
One last note of caution though. Don't assume that what happens to you is a measure of your worth. It's not. Just because you won, doesn't make you a winner and just because you lost, doesn't make you a loser.
What is a measure of your worth is how you respond to what happens to you, and if you'll allow external circumstances to affect the core of your being because for most, their feelings and emotions are what's in control of their lives, not their directing mind. And if you choose to live like that, be prepared for constant disappointment and ruminating on the same stuff over and over again, because life will keep knocking you down and you won't have the tools to get back up.
Work on developing personal resilience, never thinking too highly of yourself and expect that both failure and success will come your way everyday. And when it does, see if for what it really is and not for how you wish to feel it knowing 'it too shall pass away'
Thursday, 14 January 2016
On the Habit of doing more than paid for
I learned many years ago from Napoleon Hill in his book called 'Law of Success' the importance of the habit of doing more than paid for.
Napoleon Hill words in a much more eloquent way than what I could, so I'll leave it in his words:
“The farmer carefully prepares the ground, then sows his wheat and waits while the Law of Increasing Returns brings back the seed he has sown, plus a many-fold increase”
That's exactly what it is. The habit of doing more than paid for is nothing more than planting seeds and waiting for them to grow, knowing not all seeds do. And this is the challenge for most people. If they fully believed that by doing it they'd get more out of a job, they'd get more out of their personal relationships, get more out of life insofar as they're aren't completely lazy and uncaring about their craft, they'd do it. But there's no guarantee. There's never any written guarantee that consistently doing more than paid for will yield returns and that's exactly why it's so valuable. That's exactly why it's a competitive advantage for those who do.
Doing more than paid for is about positioning. Positioning with your stakeholders that you have what it takes to lead, that you can handle anything thrown your way and will get the problem solved when everyone else falters and quits and come up with a million excuses and zero adjustments. This positioning is not about being long hours in the office, it's about being effective and knocking down objectives one by one. It's about getting shit done.
But for me, the most interesting aspect of doing more than paid for, is that if you don't you guarantee you never will get paid more. Because those who do do are the stars, they're the ones getting noticed and standing out from their peers and they're the first in line for promotions and for handling the big and important stuff, because they convince everyone around them they can and will get the job done.
Many use the particular sentence 'But I'm not paid to do that' which at times is definitely the case, but that's exactly the reason why you should be doing it, Rafael. That's the reason why that experience, of going over and above, will make you grow and will increase your proficiency, your knowledge and give you the 'experience for free' on doing something you're not fully comfortable with but you decided not to run away from but tackle it head-on and do the best you can, which is all anyone can ask of anyone else.
Do not be afraid to do it, son, and do not be afraid you may not get it 100% right. Be prepared to apologize if it doesn't completely work out just as long you're being diligent and fair and professional. Do this consistently, and you'll set your life up for achieving great things and to always keep moving forward and not be stuck in any place in your life.
Choosing the path of doing more than paid for is about process not results, Rafael. And the funny thing about it, is that results will always vary throughout your life (it does for everyone), and may at times be good for you and at other times hurt you, but if you have the process right life can knock you down 1000 times that you'll always know how to get back up and keep yourself on a path that can only lead to doing and being more. I can see nothing wrong with that.
Napoleon Hill words in a much more eloquent way than what I could, so I'll leave it in his words:
“The farmer carefully prepares the ground, then sows his wheat and waits while the Law of Increasing Returns brings back the seed he has sown, plus a many-fold increase”
That's exactly what it is. The habit of doing more than paid for is nothing more than planting seeds and waiting for them to grow, knowing not all seeds do. And this is the challenge for most people. If they fully believed that by doing it they'd get more out of a job, they'd get more out of their personal relationships, get more out of life insofar as they're aren't completely lazy and uncaring about their craft, they'd do it. But there's no guarantee. There's never any written guarantee that consistently doing more than paid for will yield returns and that's exactly why it's so valuable. That's exactly why it's a competitive advantage for those who do.
Doing more than paid for is about positioning. Positioning with your stakeholders that you have what it takes to lead, that you can handle anything thrown your way and will get the problem solved when everyone else falters and quits and come up with a million excuses and zero adjustments. This positioning is not about being long hours in the office, it's about being effective and knocking down objectives one by one. It's about getting shit done.
But for me, the most interesting aspect of doing more than paid for, is that if you don't you guarantee you never will get paid more. Because those who do do are the stars, they're the ones getting noticed and standing out from their peers and they're the first in line for promotions and for handling the big and important stuff, because they convince everyone around them they can and will get the job done.
Many use the particular sentence 'But I'm not paid to do that' which at times is definitely the case, but that's exactly the reason why you should be doing it, Rafael. That's the reason why that experience, of going over and above, will make you grow and will increase your proficiency, your knowledge and give you the 'experience for free' on doing something you're not fully comfortable with but you decided not to run away from but tackle it head-on and do the best you can, which is all anyone can ask of anyone else.
Do not be afraid to do it, son, and do not be afraid you may not get it 100% right. Be prepared to apologize if it doesn't completely work out just as long you're being diligent and fair and professional. Do this consistently, and you'll set your life up for achieving great things and to always keep moving forward and not be stuck in any place in your life.
Choosing the path of doing more than paid for is about process not results, Rafael. And the funny thing about it, is that results will always vary throughout your life (it does for everyone), and may at times be good for you and at other times hurt you, but if you have the process right life can knock you down 1000 times that you'll always know how to get back up and keep yourself on a path that can only lead to doing and being more. I can see nothing wrong with that.
Sunday, 13 December 2015
On Resilience: We all get knocked down
While going through life, things rarely go exactly as we'd like them to. We make decisions or choices that lead us to different paths and situations, and inevitably we get to the point where it's time to assess what actually happened against the expectations we had set out for it.
This can be positive and joyful if we met or exceeded those expectations, but can also lead to feelings of inadequacy, resentment, stress or failure if we or the situation itself failed to meet those same expectations.
Let's start with a universal truth. Life knocks down all of us, and will keep doing so until we go.
We all internalize whatever happens to us with meaning. It's our truth, our life, the results of which are now ingrained in our mind and in our being, and we become as we decide to internalize the truths we tell ourselves.
So if every time we have setbacks or decide to experience failure as an inadequacy we have no control over, we start building self beliefs that will accumulate over time, and lead to stagnation and risk avoidance in different areas our lives.
Putting it simply: if when life knocks you down, you make the decision (conscious or not) to stay down and not lift your head up and try again until you achieve whatever you want, it's unlikely you'll get to live a purposeful and fulfilling life because all the little decisions we make every single day, all the little things in our daily routines, or what we set time apart to do each week as part of our goals and dreams, they add up and come with interest correlating directly to the success or expectation you can or should have about it.
Resilience is about recovering quickly. As my mentor, Eric Thomas, says 'We all get knocked down. But if I come a week later, and you're still on the ground? Then we have a problem". And most people, it's not even a week they're down. Something happens and they spend weeks, months, years and even decades pointing fingers at people and situations and without ever moving on with their lives. Please don't let that be you.
Make it your decision to internalize each setback, each obstacle, each milestone, each effort as a stepping stone towards a future and hoped for reward. The path may not always be clear, but it will always show itself.
Resilience is also about increasing your personal threshold of tolerance towards life's randomness and staying flexible. Things will happen when you least expect them to, and if we find positive and constructive ways of dealing with it, we increase our tolerance threshold and what we feel comfortable dealing with so that overtime we get so good at it, that it takes something very significant to throw you down. As Bill Harris mentions in his book "Thresholds of the Mind", a resilient personality cannot be taught but it can be learnt, and its the "emergence of innate abilities made possible by learning from experience and responding flexibly to whatever is happening'.
Resilience is about making up in your mind that whatever life throws at you, you'll succeed. It's about taking small risks and not living permanently in your comfort zone, feeling the fear and doing stuff anyway, from the little stuff like having difficult conversations with people and not being afraid to stand up for yourself,to the big stuff like accepting consequences of the choices we make, face them and just deal with it and decide to move on and not hold resentments or regrets.
Ultimately, it's about acceptance Rafael. Acceptance that you'll not always be in control, that randomness is an integral part of living and there are no inherently good or bad things in life, unless you decide to make them so. With every challenge, we all have the power to decide if it will break or make us into who we are. The power to decide between lessons and blessings and opportunities, or fears and failures and threats. You'll be a happier man if you choose the former.
This can be positive and joyful if we met or exceeded those expectations, but can also lead to feelings of inadequacy, resentment, stress or failure if we or the situation itself failed to meet those same expectations.
Let's start with a universal truth. Life knocks down all of us, and will keep doing so until we go.
We all internalize whatever happens to us with meaning. It's our truth, our life, the results of which are now ingrained in our mind and in our being, and we become as we decide to internalize the truths we tell ourselves.
So if every time we have setbacks or decide to experience failure as an inadequacy we have no control over, we start building self beliefs that will accumulate over time, and lead to stagnation and risk avoidance in different areas our lives.
Putting it simply: if when life knocks you down, you make the decision (conscious or not) to stay down and not lift your head up and try again until you achieve whatever you want, it's unlikely you'll get to live a purposeful and fulfilling life because all the little decisions we make every single day, all the little things in our daily routines, or what we set time apart to do each week as part of our goals and dreams, they add up and come with interest correlating directly to the success or expectation you can or should have about it.
Resilience is about recovering quickly. As my mentor, Eric Thomas, says 'We all get knocked down. But if I come a week later, and you're still on the ground? Then we have a problem". And most people, it's not even a week they're down. Something happens and they spend weeks, months, years and even decades pointing fingers at people and situations and without ever moving on with their lives. Please don't let that be you.
Make it your decision to internalize each setback, each obstacle, each milestone, each effort as a stepping stone towards a future and hoped for reward. The path may not always be clear, but it will always show itself.
Resilience is also about increasing your personal threshold of tolerance towards life's randomness and staying flexible. Things will happen when you least expect them to, and if we find positive and constructive ways of dealing with it, we increase our tolerance threshold and what we feel comfortable dealing with so that overtime we get so good at it, that it takes something very significant to throw you down. As Bill Harris mentions in his book "Thresholds of the Mind", a resilient personality cannot be taught but it can be learnt, and its the "emergence of innate abilities made possible by learning from experience and responding flexibly to whatever is happening'.
Resilience is about making up in your mind that whatever life throws at you, you'll succeed. It's about taking small risks and not living permanently in your comfort zone, feeling the fear and doing stuff anyway, from the little stuff like having difficult conversations with people and not being afraid to stand up for yourself,to the big stuff like accepting consequences of the choices we make, face them and just deal with it and decide to move on and not hold resentments or regrets.
Ultimately, it's about acceptance Rafael. Acceptance that you'll not always be in control, that randomness is an integral part of living and there are no inherently good or bad things in life, unless you decide to make them so. With every challenge, we all have the power to decide if it will break or make us into who we are. The power to decide between lessons and blessings and opportunities, or fears and failures and threats. You'll be a happier man if you choose the former.
Tuesday, 10 November 2015
On Leverage: 'Now that I have this, what else can I do?'
You're coming to an age in your life, where you should start getting an understanding or an opinion of what it is that makes your heart sing. You should have an idea of what your strengths and weaknesses are, the things you're good at and the things you're not. Maybe, you'll even know what your vocation is or have a particular interest that you wish it to become your job or your business one day.
The concept I'd like to share with you today is that not only are you the accumulation of everything you did and experience up until this point in your life, but that nothing that you've experienced is lost in itself.
Most adults choose a specific area or function they feel comfortable in doing, and they do it repeatedly. They can become good at it but they will probably stick to the script and not develop to their full potential, whilst ending up doing the same thing throughout their whole lives. Well, if you're doing it out of a sense of mission and it's truly what you love, then fair enough. Keep at it. But if it's just for the comfort and risk avoidance, that's where it starts to suck.
One of the most powerful habits you can start at any age, is the habit of thinking about the leverage you can experience from what you've already done. As the title mentions, the concept of leverage in this context is very simple and simply means that you can use something (that you are, that you've experienced, that you know) to a maximum advantage.Scott Ginsberg writes extensively about leverage.
Let me give you examples from my personal life. One of my early challenges was that I was somewhat lazy and never did so well at school, but circumstances had me attend a course when I was 17 that I knew was the gateway to my career. Because I internalized this opportunity as the difference between me keep working at McDonalds for many years to come or the opportunity to start a career in networking, I gave it all I had, studying sometimes up to 16 hours straight per day. Started the course almost 3 months late, was given 2 months to catch up and less than 3 weeks into it was already ahead of most of the class, finishing the course with an average grade of 96% throughout.
So, thinking back at what that event in that time of my life meant to me, I see clearly that it taught me work ethic, commitment and the belief that if I put in the effort, I can do and have it all. That all it takes, is for me to pay my dues and put in the work. So, to me, the leverage question from that moment onward was "Now that I know the outcome of commitment and hard work, what else can it do for me?" and that has been the basis on which I've been building my career on and will keep doing so. It's one of my strategic advantages.
The other example is when I decided to lose weight, having been obese most my life until I was 22. The changes weren't just physical. I had a hard time standing up for myself, and allowed other people to step on me more often than I'd like to admit. I used the leverage I gained before on commitment and work ethic, and completely changed how I looked and who I was. It gave me courage, self-esteem, self-awareness and I learnt how to control urges. I stopped doing what everyone else wanted me to do, and started focusing on what I wanted, on my dreams and not on making other people happy. Especially the last phase, when everyone thought I'd lost enough weight and were getting concerned about my well being, and I had to start being somewhat unpleasant because they were trying to get me to give up on my dreams. A couple of leverage questions came from that experience too. 'Now that I've done this myself, how can I help others do it too?", and that's how I wrote my first book. Another one coming out of that was 'Now that I have self-esteem, self-confidence and self-awareness, what else can I do with it?" and that drove my career another notch, by stepping forward everytime a senior manager had a challenge that no one was stepping up to address. It's also the beginning of me standing up for myself more often, and not let others try and bring me down. I don't ever go down without a fight and am proud of saying so.
I'm still growing and evolving, and even think that one day I'll completely change careers even, because with every event that happens in my life, good or bad, I try and ask "Now that I have this or have gone through this, what can else can I do now?".
Rafael, please ask yourself leverage questions on a regular basis. It keeps life dynamic and never dull. It brings unique experiences that you could otherwise miss, or not realize you were now equipped to tackle it. It may make you see opportunities in the challenges you face, or make you more aware of what your skills actually are. So many adults out there equipped with so many skills that they never realize they can leverage. It's a shame.
But most of all, it leads to an interesting life, full of new things and new endeavors and opens your mind to be hungry for learning and never think you're too good to know and be more.
The concept I'd like to share with you today is that not only are you the accumulation of everything you did and experience up until this point in your life, but that nothing that you've experienced is lost in itself.
Most adults choose a specific area or function they feel comfortable in doing, and they do it repeatedly. They can become good at it but they will probably stick to the script and not develop to their full potential, whilst ending up doing the same thing throughout their whole lives. Well, if you're doing it out of a sense of mission and it's truly what you love, then fair enough. Keep at it. But if it's just for the comfort and risk avoidance, that's where it starts to suck.
One of the most powerful habits you can start at any age, is the habit of thinking about the leverage you can experience from what you've already done. As the title mentions, the concept of leverage in this context is very simple and simply means that you can use something (that you are, that you've experienced, that you know) to a maximum advantage.Scott Ginsberg writes extensively about leverage.
Let me give you examples from my personal life. One of my early challenges was that I was somewhat lazy and never did so well at school, but circumstances had me attend a course when I was 17 that I knew was the gateway to my career. Because I internalized this opportunity as the difference between me keep working at McDonalds for many years to come or the opportunity to start a career in networking, I gave it all I had, studying sometimes up to 16 hours straight per day. Started the course almost 3 months late, was given 2 months to catch up and less than 3 weeks into it was already ahead of most of the class, finishing the course with an average grade of 96% throughout.
So, thinking back at what that event in that time of my life meant to me, I see clearly that it taught me work ethic, commitment and the belief that if I put in the effort, I can do and have it all. That all it takes, is for me to pay my dues and put in the work. So, to me, the leverage question from that moment onward was "Now that I know the outcome of commitment and hard work, what else can it do for me?" and that has been the basis on which I've been building my career on and will keep doing so. It's one of my strategic advantages.
The other example is when I decided to lose weight, having been obese most my life until I was 22. The changes weren't just physical. I had a hard time standing up for myself, and allowed other people to step on me more often than I'd like to admit. I used the leverage I gained before on commitment and work ethic, and completely changed how I looked and who I was. It gave me courage, self-esteem, self-awareness and I learnt how to control urges. I stopped doing what everyone else wanted me to do, and started focusing on what I wanted, on my dreams and not on making other people happy. Especially the last phase, when everyone thought I'd lost enough weight and were getting concerned about my well being, and I had to start being somewhat unpleasant because they were trying to get me to give up on my dreams. A couple of leverage questions came from that experience too. 'Now that I've done this myself, how can I help others do it too?", and that's how I wrote my first book. Another one coming out of that was 'Now that I have self-esteem, self-confidence and self-awareness, what else can I do with it?" and that drove my career another notch, by stepping forward everytime a senior manager had a challenge that no one was stepping up to address. It's also the beginning of me standing up for myself more often, and not let others try and bring me down. I don't ever go down without a fight and am proud of saying so.
I'm still growing and evolving, and even think that one day I'll completely change careers even, because with every event that happens in my life, good or bad, I try and ask "Now that I have this or have gone through this, what can else can I do now?".
Rafael, please ask yourself leverage questions on a regular basis. It keeps life dynamic and never dull. It brings unique experiences that you could otherwise miss, or not realize you were now equipped to tackle it. It may make you see opportunities in the challenges you face, or make you more aware of what your skills actually are. So many adults out there equipped with so many skills that they never realize they can leverage. It's a shame.
But most of all, it leads to an interesting life, full of new things and new endeavors and opens your mind to be hungry for learning and never think you're too good to know and be more.
Thursday, 1 October 2015
On Success: The barriers that overwhelm
Almost everyone under the sun has a dream or a goal but yet, most people never actually achieve them. And I believe there are many different reasons for this but that, on the most part, it comes down to a number of themes. Let's talk about some of them:
Lack of trust in self - I'm not suggesting people should always trust themselves. That's dangerous. Second guessing one self has been saving our species for millenia. For instance, looking at the hole before throwing yourself into it to see how deep it is will probably be a good idea. But most people don't believe they've been made to do great things, and great things is not about how much money you have in the bank or how many tv shows you've appeared on. Doing great things is choosing what your craft or art is, what is meaningful to you and striving and working to solve problems or add value in whatever area you choose. The problem for most is that they're afraid to start, which is always the hardest part. For most, if they could stop thinking that it's a 1000 mile journey and focus on making it alive to the end of the first mile, that would be enough to get the momentum going, and when momentum sets in a whole world of opportunities and paths appear in front of you
Lack of work ethic - This is one that really gets on my nerves. I have zero patience for people that don't want to help themselves. People that look up to others and the STUFF they have, that say out of their mouth they want to have and be the same things, and then have a total lack of commitment to what they say they want. They wake up late, sit in front of the tv every evening, play video games, commit to nothing and then spend their waking hours saying how the world is so unfair and that everything should be delivered to them at their doorstep. Behind most overnight success stories, there are years of struggle and small accomplishments. Behind most overnight success stories, are people that fought all the odds to achieve their goals. People who said 'fuck it' to distractions and decided to go 'all in' in life, and stopped accepting excuses from themselves. Let me be clear about this one...
Success takes hard work, and commitment and effort and learning how to deal with setbacks and failure. And more often than not, when success didn't take hard work it means that someone's talent took them places that their character probably won't or shouldn't keep them. I believe this with all my heart, Rafael.
Thinking success requires perfection - It doesn't. It never did and probably never will. Most people that don't choose a path and make it an habit of giving a small step everyday down that path, believe everything needs to be in place before they can start. And... it never is the right time. Too busy at work, just had another child, I can't find the time. All excuses. Success requires adjustments, not excuses. The road to success isn't a straight one. It never is. And at the end of the day, we can all grow and learn from the small and big successes and the small and big failures. Just be sure to keep self-critical enough to learn the lessons that will allow you to avoid the same mistake twice. Most get stuck in loops of the same problem and never seem to get out of it. It's a pity.
I'll start next week... - Convince yourself that the only time is now. It's all you have and all you ever will have.
If you commit yourself into giving a step forward every single day of your life, even if a small one, it all adds up. And by the time you look back and see where you are, you'll see how long you've come and that the effort and commitment you applied and where it brought you. Do not live in the future, waiting for the moon and the stars to line up before you go. Either say you're doing it now, or shut up. No one has any business saying how wonderful their lives will be in X amount of time, and how they'll then be able to pursue their dreams because for most that say it, it never actually comes
And finally, the one I personally most struggle with.
People blaming it on their children as justification for why they can't have the things they want in life. Especially when they're doing it in order to give STUFF instead of realizing that what we do helps shape the people our children become.
I would never put such a burden on you, Rafael. Because, if anything, you only made my resolve stronger. I have you to fight for now. I want you to have a little brother or a little sister and for you and mum to have the opportunity to spend a lot of time together growing up and your mom wants it too. That means I have to step up. That means I need to keep waking up at 5.30am every morning to study while everyone else is asleep, and if I can't achieve it then I'll need to wake up at 4am or 3 am if need be. It means I have to keep working hard everyday to show how much value I can add to my employer so I can make myself more valuable so your mom doesn't need to work. It means that while everyone else is watching tv and at the pub having beers, I'm reading and listening to audiobooks so I can keep getting better. It means that when others try to push me down and discredit me in front of my stakeholders, I get up and face them and tell them to bring it on. And to you, I hope it means you grew up knowing the man your father chose to be, that you saw the sacrifice and the commitment I put through every single day and aren't afraid yourself to do whatever it takes to be successful, because that's really all I want. For you not to be afraid of working hard and commit yourself to anything. And to be honest, I probably want all these things for you because I didn't have them myself growing up. I have no illusions though. I'm not looking here for approval or affirmation. By wanting all these things and to provide for you and your mom, I'm not being selfless. I'm honest with myself enough to know this. I'm being selfish, because nothing will make me prouder and happier with myself than getting to the end of my life knowing I provided for my family. If I get to the end of my life and that's all I did, that to me is success.
Lack of trust in self - I'm not suggesting people should always trust themselves. That's dangerous. Second guessing one self has been saving our species for millenia. For instance, looking at the hole before throwing yourself into it to see how deep it is will probably be a good idea. But most people don't believe they've been made to do great things, and great things is not about how much money you have in the bank or how many tv shows you've appeared on. Doing great things is choosing what your craft or art is, what is meaningful to you and striving and working to solve problems or add value in whatever area you choose. The problem for most is that they're afraid to start, which is always the hardest part. For most, if they could stop thinking that it's a 1000 mile journey and focus on making it alive to the end of the first mile, that would be enough to get the momentum going, and when momentum sets in a whole world of opportunities and paths appear in front of you
Lack of work ethic - This is one that really gets on my nerves. I have zero patience for people that don't want to help themselves. People that look up to others and the STUFF they have, that say out of their mouth they want to have and be the same things, and then have a total lack of commitment to what they say they want. They wake up late, sit in front of the tv every evening, play video games, commit to nothing and then spend their waking hours saying how the world is so unfair and that everything should be delivered to them at their doorstep. Behind most overnight success stories, there are years of struggle and small accomplishments. Behind most overnight success stories, are people that fought all the odds to achieve their goals. People who said 'fuck it' to distractions and decided to go 'all in' in life, and stopped accepting excuses from themselves. Let me be clear about this one...
Success takes hard work, and commitment and effort and learning how to deal with setbacks and failure. And more often than not, when success didn't take hard work it means that someone's talent took them places that their character probably won't or shouldn't keep them. I believe this with all my heart, Rafael.
Thinking success requires perfection - It doesn't. It never did and probably never will. Most people that don't choose a path and make it an habit of giving a small step everyday down that path, believe everything needs to be in place before they can start. And... it never is the right time. Too busy at work, just had another child, I can't find the time. All excuses. Success requires adjustments, not excuses. The road to success isn't a straight one. It never is. And at the end of the day, we can all grow and learn from the small and big successes and the small and big failures. Just be sure to keep self-critical enough to learn the lessons that will allow you to avoid the same mistake twice. Most get stuck in loops of the same problem and never seem to get out of it. It's a pity.
I'll start next week... - Convince yourself that the only time is now. It's all you have and all you ever will have.
If you commit yourself into giving a step forward every single day of your life, even if a small one, it all adds up. And by the time you look back and see where you are, you'll see how long you've come and that the effort and commitment you applied and where it brought you. Do not live in the future, waiting for the moon and the stars to line up before you go. Either say you're doing it now, or shut up. No one has any business saying how wonderful their lives will be in X amount of time, and how they'll then be able to pursue their dreams because for most that say it, it never actually comes
And finally, the one I personally most struggle with.
People blaming it on their children as justification for why they can't have the things they want in life. Especially when they're doing it in order to give STUFF instead of realizing that what we do helps shape the people our children become.
I would never put such a burden on you, Rafael. Because, if anything, you only made my resolve stronger. I have you to fight for now. I want you to have a little brother or a little sister and for you and mum to have the opportunity to spend a lot of time together growing up and your mom wants it too. That means I have to step up. That means I need to keep waking up at 5.30am every morning to study while everyone else is asleep, and if I can't achieve it then I'll need to wake up at 4am or 3 am if need be. It means I have to keep working hard everyday to show how much value I can add to my employer so I can make myself more valuable so your mom doesn't need to work. It means that while everyone else is watching tv and at the pub having beers, I'm reading and listening to audiobooks so I can keep getting better. It means that when others try to push me down and discredit me in front of my stakeholders, I get up and face them and tell them to bring it on. And to you, I hope it means you grew up knowing the man your father chose to be, that you saw the sacrifice and the commitment I put through every single day and aren't afraid yourself to do whatever it takes to be successful, because that's really all I want. For you not to be afraid of working hard and commit yourself to anything. And to be honest, I probably want all these things for you because I didn't have them myself growing up. I have no illusions though. I'm not looking here for approval or affirmation. By wanting all these things and to provide for you and your mom, I'm not being selfless. I'm honest with myself enough to know this. I'm being selfish, because nothing will make me prouder and happier with myself than getting to the end of my life knowing I provided for my family. If I get to the end of my life and that's all I did, that to me is success.
Wednesday, 23 September 2015
On Role models: Learning from others
I'd start by arguing that learning from others is the basis of all personal growth. And I say this not because I believe people can't help themselves, but because learning from others always give you a different perspective on whatever issue you're dealing with.
Be it family, business, path choosing, knowing what needs doing to achieve your own personal goals or any other thing really, knowing what someone you admire would do can help us make the right choices in life that will lead us to the outcomes we want. Having said that, I believe the first step to considering someone a role model really is admiration,
When you admire someone, you regard them, as people, as impressive or recognize them for having done something impressive or worthy of your respect. When you admire someone you're really saying that there's something about that individual that you value and respect, and many times we choose role models that have already achieved things we want to achieve ourselves.
Ideally, if you have the opportunity, having a personal relationship with someone you regard a Role Model can make him a mentor as well. A mentor is someone more experienced and a trusted adviser whom you know you can count on for direction and guidance, but I personally believe the greatest value you can take from a mentor is his ability to ask hard questions that will make you consider yourself or a situation in a way you haven't done before, whether that's a pleasant experience or something that will fill you with fear and doubt.
For me, I've always had role models. And they've evolved over time as I evolved as a man, which is how it should be. The more you learn, the more you live your life, the more experiences you gather, the more failures and achievements you go through, the more you internalize meaning of what different things make you do, how they make you feel and how they define you as a person and as a man. And it's in those times, where having role models to serve as compass or a light in the dark, can become invaluable supporting you in making the decisions that you know will get you to where you want to be. Personally, at one point in my life I was trying too much. Had too many role models, many times they said conflicting things or had different approaches to problems and it even led me to "analysis paralysis" which is a state of over analyzing everything and you end up not following things through or never making consistent actions because you're always analyzing different ways of achieving the same thing. So please be wary of this, Rafael, and understand that who you choose as role models ends up saying a lot about you.
So, let me tell you who MY role models are and have been for many years and why I chose to consider them my role models (in no particular order):
- Eric Thomas - E.T. The Hip Hop Preacher, they call him. Growing up, I've been through some 'rougher things', growing up without my parents (yet a loving aunt), financial difficulties, and the first time I paid my own rent I was 16 years old after having to leave my aunt's house. E.T. reminds me how much further I could've fallen, and how 'when you want to succeed as bad as you wanna breathe, then you'll be successful". He's one of the most passionate public speakers I ever came across, who ate out of trash cans and lived in abandoned buildings, took 12 years to do a 4 year degree. To me, he's the pinnacle of what never giving up means and I consistently learn from his blog, books and videos. He always starts by looking within, and not blaming others for your shortcomings. Personal responsibility and accountability.
- Zach Even-Esh - Zach is a strength coach with a work ethic that gives me chills. I also read him everyday through his blog and been part of his community for many, many years. He always talks about the basics, and mastering the basics as opposed to 'pretty boy' training and not attacking life. He talks about integrity, about being passionate about what you do, about taking care of your family and doing what you must to support them, about helping others achieve their objectives. But he always points the finger back at you. He always makes you believe that most choose the easy life, the undriven and passionless life and that when you know what you want, and keep a 'white belt' mentality and having continuous learning and improvement as one of the major goals in life, everything will eventually fall into place and you'll surround yourself with individuals that will help you reach higher heights.
- Scott Ginsberg - he's an entrepreneur, known for wearing a nametag for over 15 years now I think. He has a daily blog as well, and Scott reminds me what it means to live like an artist, how to leverage your own skills and think objectively about what they mean to the market and your personal worth, ie how much would or should someone else pay for your services. He reminds me of what creative processes can do for you, and how you can use them to add value to others. Some of his insights honestly changed my life.
- Seth Godin - he reminds me of how to think like a marketer and a linchpin. I own several of his books as well and follow his daily blog. Seth is extremely intelligent and successful businessman, especially in the marketing and entrepreneurial area, but his advice applies everywhere. He talks about how our world changed, and most haven't changed with it still stuck in the industrial age, still expecting employers to take care of us and our families. He talks about what it takes to make a difference, to create your own personal brand and what that means to how others perceive you. I'd miss his daily insights if they ever stopped coming. He taught me how to make a difference.
Over time, I shall mention them in more detail and specific lessons I learnt from them which have shaped who I am and how I deal with others. But the main thing I wanted to share with you, son, is that choosing your role models carefully is very important. It will shape who you are to some degree, how you make decisions, what you consider before taking action, how you actually take action. I carry these people with me whatever I go, and thinking how I think they'd react in situations, helps me decide how I want to react myself.
Choose people that inspire you and can help you with achieving what you want for your life (not be like them, but understanding their perspective and being self-critical enough to understand if that decision would make sense in your own life). Learn from them, even if you never met them, and be sure to use their knowledge as stepping stone to learn, drive improvements, change your own perception of what you want out of life and who you are, and once you can understand how the person works and how they think, the idea of "what would that person do in this situation?" can and will always provide you with extremely valuable insights that you should take in consideration. Rafael, please choose yours wisely and don't be afraid to ditch them as you grow and they're are no longer supporting who you wish to become. Evolving as a person sometimes means "killing" your old self, and killing your old self often means letting go of your role models and choosing different ones.
Be it family, business, path choosing, knowing what needs doing to achieve your own personal goals or any other thing really, knowing what someone you admire would do can help us make the right choices in life that will lead us to the outcomes we want. Having said that, I believe the first step to considering someone a role model really is admiration,
When you admire someone, you regard them, as people, as impressive or recognize them for having done something impressive or worthy of your respect. When you admire someone you're really saying that there's something about that individual that you value and respect, and many times we choose role models that have already achieved things we want to achieve ourselves.
Ideally, if you have the opportunity, having a personal relationship with someone you regard a Role Model can make him a mentor as well. A mentor is someone more experienced and a trusted adviser whom you know you can count on for direction and guidance, but I personally believe the greatest value you can take from a mentor is his ability to ask hard questions that will make you consider yourself or a situation in a way you haven't done before, whether that's a pleasant experience or something that will fill you with fear and doubt.
For me, I've always had role models. And they've evolved over time as I evolved as a man, which is how it should be. The more you learn, the more you live your life, the more experiences you gather, the more failures and achievements you go through, the more you internalize meaning of what different things make you do, how they make you feel and how they define you as a person and as a man. And it's in those times, where having role models to serve as compass or a light in the dark, can become invaluable supporting you in making the decisions that you know will get you to where you want to be. Personally, at one point in my life I was trying too much. Had too many role models, many times they said conflicting things or had different approaches to problems and it even led me to "analysis paralysis" which is a state of over analyzing everything and you end up not following things through or never making consistent actions because you're always analyzing different ways of achieving the same thing. So please be wary of this, Rafael, and understand that who you choose as role models ends up saying a lot about you.
So, let me tell you who MY role models are and have been for many years and why I chose to consider them my role models (in no particular order):
- Eric Thomas - E.T. The Hip Hop Preacher, they call him. Growing up, I've been through some 'rougher things', growing up without my parents (yet a loving aunt), financial difficulties, and the first time I paid my own rent I was 16 years old after having to leave my aunt's house. E.T. reminds me how much further I could've fallen, and how 'when you want to succeed as bad as you wanna breathe, then you'll be successful". He's one of the most passionate public speakers I ever came across, who ate out of trash cans and lived in abandoned buildings, took 12 years to do a 4 year degree. To me, he's the pinnacle of what never giving up means and I consistently learn from his blog, books and videos. He always starts by looking within, and not blaming others for your shortcomings. Personal responsibility and accountability.
- Zach Even-Esh - Zach is a strength coach with a work ethic that gives me chills. I also read him everyday through his blog and been part of his community for many, many years. He always talks about the basics, and mastering the basics as opposed to 'pretty boy' training and not attacking life. He talks about integrity, about being passionate about what you do, about taking care of your family and doing what you must to support them, about helping others achieve their objectives. But he always points the finger back at you. He always makes you believe that most choose the easy life, the undriven and passionless life and that when you know what you want, and keep a 'white belt' mentality and having continuous learning and improvement as one of the major goals in life, everything will eventually fall into place and you'll surround yourself with individuals that will help you reach higher heights.
- Scott Ginsberg - he's an entrepreneur, known for wearing a nametag for over 15 years now I think. He has a daily blog as well, and Scott reminds me what it means to live like an artist, how to leverage your own skills and think objectively about what they mean to the market and your personal worth, ie how much would or should someone else pay for your services. He reminds me of what creative processes can do for you, and how you can use them to add value to others. Some of his insights honestly changed my life.
- Seth Godin - he reminds me of how to think like a marketer and a linchpin. I own several of his books as well and follow his daily blog. Seth is extremely intelligent and successful businessman, especially in the marketing and entrepreneurial area, but his advice applies everywhere. He talks about how our world changed, and most haven't changed with it still stuck in the industrial age, still expecting employers to take care of us and our families. He talks about what it takes to make a difference, to create your own personal brand and what that means to how others perceive you. I'd miss his daily insights if they ever stopped coming. He taught me how to make a difference.
Over time, I shall mention them in more detail and specific lessons I learnt from them which have shaped who I am and how I deal with others. But the main thing I wanted to share with you, son, is that choosing your role models carefully is very important. It will shape who you are to some degree, how you make decisions, what you consider before taking action, how you actually take action. I carry these people with me whatever I go, and thinking how I think they'd react in situations, helps me decide how I want to react myself.
Choose people that inspire you and can help you with achieving what you want for your life (not be like them, but understanding their perspective and being self-critical enough to understand if that decision would make sense in your own life). Learn from them, even if you never met them, and be sure to use their knowledge as stepping stone to learn, drive improvements, change your own perception of what you want out of life and who you are, and once you can understand how the person works and how they think, the idea of "what would that person do in this situation?" can and will always provide you with extremely valuable insights that you should take in consideration. Rafael, please choose yours wisely and don't be afraid to ditch them as you grow and they're are no longer supporting who you wish to become. Evolving as a person sometimes means "killing" your old self, and killing your old self often means letting go of your role models and choosing different ones.
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