In living, we're all usually experiencing two different types of events. Ones we choose and ones that choose us. And unless we're into the habit of clearly seeing things this way, lines get blurred at times and one can get not very sure of which is which.
There's one particular prayer, though you know I'm not religious. that puts it in simple terms, called the Serenity Prayer by Niebuhr, a theologist.
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"
But this is a recent interpretation/new age version of something much older, first written by a philosopher of name Epictetus over 2000 years ago. His version goes:
"Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens. Some things are up to us, and some things are not up to us"
This definitely relates to the Process, but it's so much more than that. It's a way of interpreting the world. Of understanding cause and effect, and the role it plays or can play in our lives. If something is happening to you that you can do something about, like an exam, a sports event, an interview, a milestone of any kind then you convince yourself it's in your power to influence and you DO THE WORK.
But know that most outcomes in life are NOT up to you. You have no say in it because you're not the only party affected and the outcome will be a combination of, hopefully, your will power imposed on the world and external events that will influence, limit or constrain your actual outcome. Do NOT be attached to outcomes, because they're not up to us.
All we can do is do the work, put our game face on, and give it all we got, knowing we've done what we could. This is serenity. And when things don't go our away, when we prepared the wrong way and reality is turning out to be different than we planned and trained for, you just put a smile on your face and take it. Sometimes it's small stuff, sometimes it's actual catastrophes, but you have no control over them, you didn't choose it so you take it as it comes, re-assess what is now up to you and do that instead of fretting, worrying or feeling miserable or helpless. Because all these bad things I just mentioned, are personal choices. You choose to feel them, or you don't. THAT is up to you.
"If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself but to your own estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment" Marcus Aurelius
As is choosing to see the new opportunities that come from it. The new learning experience, your chance to practice a new skill, to be patient, generous and a positive influence to those around you. To lead, be brave, don't get nervous or jittery and keep your head when everyone is losing theirs, you'll have a strategic advantage over whoever's your competition (we all have it in some shape or form).
So Rafael, be truthful to yourself on making the assessment of what's up to you, and never use the "it's not up to me argument" as an excuse for laziness, but never despair on things that are not up to you. Take life and all the problems that come with it as they come, and keep serene focusing your energy on things you can actually change as it'll be a much better use of your time and energy. Accept the things you can't change, and always reassess if things changed significantly that you may now again have some control. If you still don't, just accept it and move on.
You yourself make the choice of living a life of grievances, regrets, catastrophes and turmoils or a life of focus, opportunities, work and purpose. This choice is always up to you.
