On Values: The Fuel to fire the flame

Values are exactly what you know the word means. Values are the things that YOU value.

The stuff that is close to your heart, that you do giving your full self and that you'd do whether you'd get paid to do it or not. You're still evolving and have much more to evolve, I'm sure. But bear in mind son, that the things you choose to value starting now will shape the man you'll become. They'll shape your habits, your relationships, your results, your character and most of all your dreams.

In having values there are 3 things to watch out for though, to ensure that not only do your values support who you want to be (we'll talk about principles some other time :) ), but also to manage the risk of becoming a slave to your own values. These 3 key points are: finding, or better yet lead a tribe that shares your values, ensuring your actions are supportive of your values and finally that you love yourself enough to know they'll change and that's ok. Let's talk about them.

Finding, or better yet lead, a tribe that shares your values - don't try to go at life alone, son. You don't have to, and it makes everything much harder. I have to say this is something I personally struggle with, as I'm not very outgoing naturally. Something I'm working on :) in our age the world is instantly connected, and you look for it you'll surely find people that love what you love and can help you with advice, friendship and lifestyle alignment with like minded people. Seth Godin calls it "People like us are part of things like this". This was crucial for my own fat loss process. Alone, it would have been much harder but got and gave support to people I've never met.

ensuring your actions are supportive of your values - once you know what you value, you need to protect it. And you protect it, by making choices everyday  (big and small) that allow you to get spend your life providing a service or spending effort in attaining what you value. May sound easy, but life gets in the way son and people generally lose the sense of urgency that a life worth living begs for, and as a result fail to experience the feeling of accomplishment that comes from battling through life and standing up for what you believe in. I hope that's how you choose to live life. Don't ever lie to yourself, and please don't be delusional about who you are. Scott Ginsberg mentions it as " You do what you do because you can’t afford not to. Because that thing makes life possible for you. You do what you do because you’re ugly when you don’t". Don't be ugly :)

love yourself enough to know they'll change and that's ok - your values should be such that you always look forward to protect them, even if at times you may have to come to great lengths to live by them. But we evolve until we die (we choose so), and so it's just natural that what you want will evolve as well. Once your values stop resonating with you (not when they become hard to live by), do a soul search and ask yourself if that's what you still want, if that's who you still are and if not, change it. People struggle to let go most of the time, thinking they're frauds for giving up or changing their goals. Don't do that, son. Be true to yourself, always, and not a slave to everything that goes through your mind.

So choose to live life in your terms. Choose what it is you wish to protect and then, all you have to do is to remind yourself why you do what you do. If on your waking hours, you have a sense of what you want and what you need to do to get it, it's impossible to be just another cog in the system (like most people lead their lives). It'll propel everything you are in the direction that you chose, and there's no better way to live life.

On Pursuing your Dreams

It didn't take me long to choose what I wanted to tell you as my first letter to you, son. You're now about to reach adulthood and I'm hoping you'll have lots of dreams and things you want to do and achieve in life. Things that are precious to you, that you hold dear in your heart and mind. Things that every time you think about them, your pupils dilate, your heart races and you even get a bit anxious and scared and hopeful of what they'll feel and look like.

It's good to have those dreams, and today I can only hope that I was a good enough father to instil in you over these years that your dreams, YOUR dreams are worth whatever effort becomes necessary for you to achieve them.

But know this, son...

Most adults do NOT live their dreams, though they've all dreamt them. Most adults stopped believing that their dreams are possible, or just plain decided they're too much trouble.

Most adults come up with a million excuses on how LIFE got in the way, and so they're no longer ENTITLED to their dreams. That what's left for them to do, is to raise their children well in hope that their children will achieve either their personal dreams, or worst yet, that their children will achieve their father's dream for them.

When me and mum decided we were going to have a baby, everyone around me, it seemed, thought they should tell me how my life was now stalled forever and that all dreams I had about my personal achievements, career and life goals would now be meaningless and that I should give up on them because everything I should now do, should be focused on you and you only. That I, as an individual, should now be irrelevant.

And I do see many of my friends living like that. Devoid of passion in their daily work, being clock punchers looking at their watches all day to go back home, living  the "Thank God it's Friday" life going their whole weeks and lives wishing it was Friday, saying "Yes, sir" to everyone around them and believing they shouldn't take risks in their careers or spend effort in educating themselves, because that effort should be going towards getting STUFF for their own children.

I have two words for that, Rafael. Screw it! What man would I be trying to raise if I was devoid of passion? What example would I be giving you throughout your whole life if you couldn't see my passion and hunger for learning, on always improving and never being too good for school, learn more and be more? How could I stand here with a straight face saying you should be following YOUR dreams if I wasn't man enough to pursue mine? What kind of example would I be setting if all I did from now on was keep my current life as is, stopped evolving and pursuing the dreams I've always dreamt? What lessons about living would you be learning if that's all I did?

Neither you or your mum deserve a weak version of me, because if I couldn't follow my dreams, I could never support you as the strong man with a strong life I wish to be, that I've dreamt of being, that I've told myself was a non-negotiable. I promised your mum some years back that I will ALWAYS take care of her, no matter what becomes necessary. The day you were born and I looked into your eyes, you became part of that commitment too, and failing at it will never be an option.

But just as I had my nay-sayers, you'll have yours son. People around you won't be committed enough, strong enough or driven enough to work on their dreams and they'll try to convince you you can't have yours either.

Some of them out of envy, some of them out of resentment and worst yet, some of them even out of love. Yes, son, out of love. Because they'll tell themselves they want to save you from disappointment, from frustrations saying you shouldn't aim so high and just get a job you're decent at so you can support the family you'll one day have.

They won't believe in themselves, they won't be willing to make the sacrifices that everything that is good in life takes (because everything good takes hard work), they won't be willing to make adjustments in their own lives and they'll give you hundreds of readily available and socially acceptable excuses that we all (me included) sometimes fall back to justify why it is we can't do something.

But you need to know that you cannot wait on anyone else if you want to live YOUR life on YOUR terms, and you should NEVER have to ask for permission from others to do it. That no one else will care enough about your dreams to do the work on your behalf, and if you want something in life, you need to go out there and TAKE IT. It won't be there waiting for you, or on silver platter just ripe for you to pick up.

You'll have to carve your own path if you want to achieve your own dreams, and I can just hope that by keeping on doing it myself and not allowing others to tell me what my life should look like that I can lead by example and inspire you to live the life you'll, undoubtedly, dream of living.

Hello world!

Hello world,
I've decided to create a new blog so I can put down in words all the things that go through my mind since my son, Rafael, was born. There's so much I want to tell him, so much I want to share and I definitely don't want to lose any of it.
So I created this blog in which I'm writing to my 16 year old Rafael, as most of the subjects I wish to speak of he'll probably not fully grasp what they mean before then.
This is also part of my commitment to my family. I know all too well what results from sometimes we forgetting what it is we stand for, as adults. That's what led me to be overweight before and I never want to go back to that place.
So I'm putting things in words, so I can remind myself of the values and principles with which I wish to raise my son. So I can check it regularly and assess if I'm doing what I hold sacred to my heart and the father and man I CHOSE to become, or if I'm letting life take the best of me and letting myself down. This really is something I'm doing for myself and my son, not for anyone else but I believe in the value of making commitments public so I can be held accountable to them.
Would be great though, if what I write can be of help to anyone else so feel free to read and share it if you believe it's worthy of it! :)

Cheers,
Mario