On Resilience: We all get knocked down

While going through life, things rarely go exactly as we'd like them to. We make decisions or choices that lead us to different paths and situations, and inevitably we get to the point where it's time to assess what actually happened against the expectations we had set out for it.
This can be positive and joyful if we met or exceeded those expectations, but can also lead to feelings of inadequacy, resentment, stress or failure if we or the situation itself failed to meet those same expectations.

Let's start with a universal truth. Life knocks down all of us, and will keep doing so until we go.
We all internalize whatever happens to us with meaning. It's our truth, our life, the results of which are now ingrained in our mind and in our being, and we become as we decide to internalize the truths we tell ourselves.

So if every time we have setbacks or decide to experience failure as an inadequacy we have no control over, we start building self beliefs that will accumulate over time, and lead to stagnation and risk avoidance in different areas our lives.

Putting it simply: if when life knocks you down, you make the decision (conscious or not) to stay down and not lift your head up and try again until you achieve whatever you want, it's unlikely you'll get to live a purposeful and fulfilling life because all the little decisions we make every single day, all the little things in our daily routines, or what we set time apart to do each week as part of our goals and dreams, they add up and come with interest correlating directly to the success or expectation you can or should have about it.

Resilience is about recovering quickly. As my mentor, Eric Thomas, says 'We all get knocked down. But if I come a week later, and you're still on the ground? Then we have a problem". And most people, it's not even a week they're down. Something happens and they spend weeks, months, years and even decades pointing fingers at people and situations and without ever moving on with their lives. Please don't let that be you.
Make it your decision to internalize each setback, each obstacle, each milestone, each effort as a stepping stone towards a future and hoped for reward. The path may not always be clear, but it will always show itself.

Resilience is also about increasing your personal threshold of tolerance towards life's randomness and staying flexible. Things will happen when you least expect them to, and if we find positive and constructive ways of dealing with it, we increase our tolerance threshold and what we feel comfortable dealing with so that overtime we get so good at it, that it takes something very significant to throw you down. As Bill Harris mentions in his book "Thresholds of the Mind", a resilient personality cannot be taught but it can be learnt, and its the "emergence of innate abilities made possible by learning from experience and responding flexibly to whatever is happening'.

Resilience is about making up in your mind that whatever life throws at you, you'll succeed. It's about taking small risks and not living permanently in your comfort zone, feeling the fear and doing stuff anyway, from the little stuff like having difficult conversations with people and not being afraid to stand up for yourself,to the big stuff like accepting consequences of the choices we make, face them and just deal with it and  decide to move on and not hold resentments or regrets.

Ultimately, it's about acceptance Rafael. Acceptance that you'll not always be in control, that randomness is an integral part of living and there are no inherently good or bad things in life, unless you decide to make them so. With every challenge, we all have the power to decide if it will break or make us into who we are. The power to decide between lessons and blessings and opportunities, or fears and failures and threats. You'll be a happier man if you choose the former.

On Leverage: 'Now that I have this, what else can I do?'

You're coming to an age in your life, where you should start getting an understanding or an opinion of what it is that makes your heart sing. You should have an idea of what your strengths and weaknesses are, the things you're good at and the things you're not. Maybe, you'll even know what your vocation is or have a particular interest that you wish it to become your job or your business one day.
The concept I'd like to share with you today is that not only are you the accumulation of everything you did and experience up until this point in your life, but that nothing that you've experienced is lost in itself.
Most adults choose a specific area or function they feel comfortable in doing, and they do it repeatedly. They can become good at it but they will probably stick to the script and not develop to their full potential, whilst ending up doing the same thing throughout their whole lives. Well, if you're doing it out of a sense of mission and it's truly what you love, then fair enough. Keep at it. But if it's just for the comfort and risk avoidance, that's where it starts to suck.
One of the most powerful habits you can start at any age, is the habit of thinking about the leverage you can experience from what you've already done. As the title mentions, the concept of leverage in this context is very simple and simply means that you can use something (that you are, that you've experienced, that you know) to a maximum advantage.Scott Ginsberg writes extensively about leverage.
Let me give you examples from my personal life. One of my early challenges was that I was somewhat lazy and never did so well at school, but circumstances had me attend a course when I was 17 that I knew was the gateway to my career. Because I internalized this opportunity as the difference between me keep working at McDonalds for many years to come or the opportunity to start a career in networking, I gave it all I had, studying sometimes up to 16 hours straight per day. Started the course almost 3 months late, was given 2 months to catch up and less than 3 weeks into it was already ahead of most of the class, finishing the course with an average grade of 96% throughout.
So, thinking back at what that event in that time of my life meant to me, I see clearly that it taught me work ethic, commitment and the belief that if I put in the effort, I can do and have it all. That all it takes, is for me to pay my dues and put in the work. So, to me, the leverage question  from that moment onward was "Now that I know the outcome of commitment and hard work, what else can it do for me?" and that has been the basis on which I've been building my career on and will keep doing so. It's one of my strategic advantages.
The other example is when I decided to lose weight, having been obese most my life until I was 22. The changes weren't just physical. I had a hard time standing up for myself, and allowed other people to step on me more often than I'd like to admit. I used the leverage I gained before on commitment and work ethic, and completely changed how I looked and who I was. It gave me courage, self-esteem, self-awareness and I learnt how to control urges. I stopped doing what everyone else wanted me to do, and started focusing on what I wanted, on my dreams and not on making other people happy. Especially the last phase, when everyone thought I'd lost enough weight and were getting concerned about my well being, and I had to start being somewhat unpleasant because they were trying to get me to give up on my dreams. A couple of leverage questions came from that experience too. 'Now that I've done this myself, how can I help others do it too?", and that's how I wrote my first book. Another one coming out of that was 'Now that I have self-esteem, self-confidence and self-awareness, what else can I do with it?" and that drove my career another notch, by stepping forward everytime a senior manager had a challenge that no one was stepping up to address. It's also the beginning of me standing up for myself more often, and not let others try and bring me down. I don't ever go down without a fight and am proud of saying so.
I'm still growing and evolving, and even think that one day I'll completely change careers even, because with every event that happens in my life, good or bad, I try and ask "Now that I have this or have gone through this, what can else can I do now?".
Rafael, please ask yourself leverage questions on a regular basis. It keeps life dynamic and never dull. It brings unique experiences that you could otherwise miss, or not realize you were now equipped to tackle it. It may make you see opportunities in the challenges you face, or make you more aware of what your skills actually are. So many adults out there equipped with so many skills that they never realize they can leverage. It's a shame.
But most of all, it leads to an interesting life, full of new things and new endeavors and opens your mind to be hungry for learning and never think you're too good to know and be more.

On Success: The barriers that overwhelm

Almost everyone under the sun has a dream or a goal but yet, most people never actually achieve them. And I believe there are many different reasons for this but that, on the most part, it comes down to a number of themes. Let's talk about some of them:

Lack of trust in self - I'm not suggesting people should always trust themselves. That's dangerous. Second guessing one self has been saving our species for millenia. For instance, looking at the hole before throwing yourself into it to see how deep it is will probably be a good idea. But most people don't believe they've been made to do great things, and great things is not about how much money you have in the bank or how many tv shows you've appeared on. Doing great things is choosing what your craft or art is, what is meaningful to you and striving and working to solve problems or add value in whatever area you choose. The problem for most is that they're afraid to start, which is always the hardest part. For most, if they could stop thinking that it's a 1000 mile journey and focus on making it alive to the end of the first mile, that would be enough to get the momentum going, and when momentum sets in a whole world of opportunities and paths appear in front of you

Lack of work ethic - This is one that really gets on my nerves. I have zero patience for people that don't want to help themselves. People that look up to others and the STUFF they have, that say out of their mouth they want to have and be the same things, and then have a total lack of commitment to what they say they want. They wake up late, sit in front of the tv every evening, play video games, commit to nothing and then spend their waking hours saying how the world is so unfair and that everything should be delivered to them at their doorstep. Behind most overnight success stories, there are years of struggle and small accomplishments. Behind most overnight success stories, are people that fought all the odds to achieve their goals. People who said 'fuck it' to distractions and decided to go 'all in' in life, and stopped accepting excuses from themselves. Let me be clear about this one...
Success takes hard work, and commitment and effort and learning how to deal with setbacks and failure. And more often than not, when success didn't take hard work it means that someone's talent took them places that their character probably won't or shouldn't keep them. I believe this with all my heart, Rafael.

Thinking success requires perfection - It doesn't. It never did and probably never will. Most people that don't choose a path and make it an habit of giving a small step everyday down that path, believe everything needs to be in place before they can start. And... it never is the right time. Too busy at work, just had another child, I can't find the time. All excuses. Success requires adjustments, not excuses. The road to success isn't a straight one. It never is. And at the end of the day, we can all grow and learn from the small and big successes and the small and big failures. Just be sure to keep self-critical enough to learn the lessons that will allow you to avoid the same mistake twice. Most get stuck in loops of the same problem and never seem to get out of it. It's a pity.

I'll start next week... -  Convince yourself that the only time is now. It's all you have and all you ever will have.
If you commit yourself into giving a step forward every single day of your life, even if a small one, it all adds up. And by the time you look back and see where you are, you'll see how long you've come and that the effort and commitment you applied and where it brought you. Do not live in the future, waiting for the moon and the stars to line up before you go. Either say you're doing it now, or shut up. No one has any business saying how wonderful their lives will be in X amount of time, and how they'll then be able to pursue their dreams because for most that say it, it never actually comes

And finally, the one I personally most struggle with.
People blaming it on their children as justification for why they can't have the things they want in life. Especially when they're doing it in order to give STUFF instead of realizing that what we do helps shape the people our children become.
I would never put such a burden on you, Rafael. Because, if anything, you only made my resolve stronger. I have you to fight for now. I want you to have a little brother or a little sister and for you and mum to have the opportunity to spend a lot of time together growing up and your mom wants it too. That means I have to step up. That means I need to keep waking up at 5.30am every morning to study while everyone else is asleep, and if I can't achieve it then I'll need to wake up at 4am or 3 am if need be. It means I have to keep working hard everyday to show how much value I can add to my employer so I can make myself more valuable so your mom doesn't need to work. It means that while everyone else is watching tv and at the pub having beers, I'm reading and listening to audiobooks so I can keep getting better. It means that when others try to push me down and discredit me in front of my stakeholders, I get up and face them and tell them to bring it on. And to you, I hope it means you grew up knowing the man your father chose to be, that you saw the sacrifice and the commitment I put through every single day and aren't afraid yourself to do whatever it takes to be successful, because that's really all I want. For you not to be afraid of working hard and commit yourself to anything. And to be honest, I probably want all these things for you because I didn't have them myself growing up. I have no illusions though. I'm not looking here for approval or affirmation. By wanting all these things and to provide for you and your mom, I'm not being selfless. I'm honest with myself enough to know this. I'm being selfish, because nothing will make me prouder and happier with myself than getting to the end of my life knowing I provided for my family. If I get to the end of my life and that's all I did, that to me is success.

On Role models: Learning from others

I'd start by arguing that learning from others is the basis of all personal growth. And I say this not because I believe people can't help themselves, but because learning from others always give you a different perspective on whatever issue you're dealing with.
Be it family, business, path choosing, knowing what needs doing to achieve your own personal goals or any other thing really, knowing what someone you admire would do can help us make the right choices in life that will lead us to the outcomes we want. Having said that, I believe the first step to considering someone a role model really is admiration,
When you admire someone, you regard them, as people, as impressive or recognize them for having done something impressive or worthy of your respect. When you admire someone you're really saying that there's something about that individual that you value and respect, and many times we choose role models that have already achieved things we want to achieve ourselves.
Ideally, if you have the opportunity, having a personal relationship with someone you regard a Role Model can make him a mentor as well. A mentor is someone more experienced and a trusted adviser whom you know you can count on for direction and guidance, but I personally believe the greatest value you can take from a mentor is his ability to ask hard questions that will make you consider yourself or a situation in a way you haven't done before, whether that's a pleasant experience or something that will fill you with fear and doubt.
For me, I've always had role models. And they've evolved over time as I evolved as a man, which is how it should be. The more you learn, the more you live your life, the more experiences you gather, the more failures and achievements you go through, the more you internalize meaning of what different things make you do, how they make you feel and how they define you as a person and as a man. And it's in those times, where having role models to serve as compass or a light in the dark, can become invaluable supporting you in making the decisions that you know will get you to where you want to be. Personally, at one point in my life I was trying too much. Had too many role models, many times they said conflicting things or had different approaches to problems and it even led me to "analysis paralysis" which is a state of over analyzing everything and you end up not following things through or never making consistent actions because you're always analyzing different ways of achieving the same thing. So please be wary of this, Rafael, and understand that who you choose as role models ends up saying a lot about you.
So, let me tell you who MY role models are and have been for many years and why I chose to consider them my role models (in no particular order):
- Eric Thomas - E.T. The Hip Hop Preacher, they call him. Growing up, I've been through some 'rougher things', growing up without my parents (yet a loving aunt), financial difficulties, and the first time I paid my own rent I was 16 years old after having to leave my aunt's house. E.T. reminds me how much further I could've fallen, and how 'when you want to succeed as bad as you wanna breathe, then you'll be successful". He's one of the most passionate public speakers I ever came across, who ate out of trash cans and lived in abandoned buildings, took 12 years to do a 4 year degree. To me, he's the pinnacle of what never giving up means and I consistently learn from his blog, books and videos. He always starts by looking within, and not blaming others for your shortcomings. Personal responsibility and accountability.

- Zach Even-Esh - Zach is a strength coach with a work ethic that gives me chills. I also read him everyday through his blog and been part of his community for many, many years. He always talks about the basics, and mastering the basics as opposed to 'pretty boy' training and not attacking life. He talks about integrity, about being passionate about what you do, about taking care of your family and doing what you must to support them, about helping others achieve their objectives. But he always points the finger back at you. He always makes you believe that most choose the easy life, the undriven and passionless life and that when you know what you want, and keep a 'white belt' mentality and having continuous learning and improvement as one of the major goals in life, everything will eventually fall into place and you'll surround yourself with individuals that will help you reach higher heights.

- Scott Ginsberg - he's an entrepreneur, known for wearing a nametag for over 15 years now I think. He has a daily blog as well, and Scott reminds me what it means to live like an artist, how to leverage your own skills and think objectively about what they mean to the market and your personal worth, ie how much would or should someone else pay for your services. He reminds me of what creative processes can do for you, and how you can use them to add value to others. Some of his insights honestly changed my life.

- Seth Godin - he reminds me of how to think like a marketer and a linchpin. I own several of his books as well and follow his daily blog. Seth is extremely intelligent and successful businessman, especially in the marketing and entrepreneurial area, but his advice applies everywhere. He talks about how our world changed, and most haven't changed with it still stuck in the industrial age, still expecting employers to take care of us and our families. He talks about what it takes to make a difference, to create your own personal brand and what that means to how others perceive you. I'd miss his daily insights if they ever stopped coming. He taught me how to make a difference.

Over time, I shall mention them in more detail and specific lessons I learnt from them which have shaped who I am and how I deal with others. But the main thing I wanted to share with you, son, is that choosing your role models carefully is very important. It will shape who you are to some degree, how you make decisions, what you consider before taking action, how you actually take action. I carry these people with me whatever I go, and thinking how I think they'd react in situations, helps me decide how I want to react myself.
Choose people that inspire you and can help you with achieving what you want for your life (not be like them, but understanding their perspective and being self-critical enough to understand if that decision would make sense in your own life). Learn from them, even if you never met them, and be sure to use their knowledge as stepping stone to learn, drive improvements, change your own perception of what you want out of life and who you are, and once you can understand how the person works and how they think, the idea of "what would that person do in this situation?" can and will always provide you with extremely valuable insights that you should take in consideration. Rafael, please choose yours wisely and don't be afraid to ditch them as you grow and they're are no longer supporting who you wish to become. Evolving as a person sometimes means "killing" your old self, and killing your old self often means letting go of your role models and choosing different ones.

On Principles: Life is simple when you have them

Before we discuss principles, I should say that much of my personal beliefs about principles, aren't just mine. One day we shall have a conversation about having role models, and I will tell you who mine are, all of them,  They're based on someone elses but I made them mine. Today I want to tell you about a man whom I admire by the name of Ray Dalio and he wrote a book, available for free, called 'Principles'. I read this book many times over and will keep doing it. You can find it here:

Bridgewater Associates Ray Dalio Principles.pdf

Much of the content I shall share today, is probably in one way or another, already referenced and probably better explained in Ray's book which I'd recommend everyone should read.
Principles are things you can refer back to over and over again, to assist in guiding you in decision-making throughout your life. It differs from 'solutions', in that solutions are specific answers to specific questions and as such have a limited applicability in being used across various disciplines or situations. A simple example would be the principle of prudence. A man that holds this principle dear to his heart will be a man who doesn't speed over the limit on a motorway, he won't make risky investments and whenever he performs a function at his job, he'll be sure to review and assess impact and create and execute plans that are cumulative and with milestones and checkpoints that can be checked and reverted if needed. He holds that principle as something he values, and he ensures that his actions reflect that same principle.
Most people go through life without thinking about what their principles are. I believe that's wrong for two reasons:

- If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything - principles are like beacons. they're there so you can check yourself, before you wreck yourself. They allow you to look at ANY situation, and assess how you'll be responding to it. If you don't have principles, any new situation will require a complete and thorough assessment of what it is, and of how you'll respond to it. Having principles, allow you to assess situations in light of them, and so decision making is easy. Life is, then, simple.

- No one enjoys the company of people who aren't consistent - most people hate surprises, me included. Surprises in this context, is not getting home and having a present from your mom waiting for you. That's always nice and enjoyable. I'm talking about people who respond to a situation one way one day, and the next the same situation warrants a completely different response. No one likes this because for the same behavior, you could one day be praised and the next scolded. How can one know what's good and acceptable when that's the case? Especially, having a person like this for a boss is one of the worst things I've had to personally deal with in my professional life, as in my personal life, these types of people stand no chance of building a relationship with me.

But, in all that is good about principles, very few people consistently practice what they preach. I should confess that I, myself, at times start acting in ways that are contrary to my principles but whenever I catch myself doing that, I take a hard look at whatever situation I'm facing. But know, that we all fall, and that's alright as long as you know what needs to happen to direct your compass and get back on course.
Life throws curve balls at all of us, and sometimes it's easy to forget we're actually the 'captain of our ship, the masters of our souls'.
'Your principles need to reflect the values you truly believe in'. Your principles need to be yours. Not the principles I think you should live by son, or your mom or your friends, but what YOU choose for YOUR own life. Because you are the one who'll be living with yourself everyday. You're the one going to bed at night thinking about what you did during the day, and if it reflects not only the person you are but the person you choose to be. And, trust me on this as I've personally wrestled with it in the past, one of the worst feelings I felt in life is going to bed at night and thinking that there's a difference, a gap, between what comes out of my mouth and what I'm actually doing. You start feeling like a fraud, you start questioning your beliefs and your actions, and it can lead to a spiral of depression as I've seen happen to others. So choose your principles carefully, Rafael. Make them yours, and don't accept behaviours from yourself that don't reflect them, and when you catch yourself doing it, get back on course. You'll live a strong life you so choose.
To finish this, I want to go back to something I mentioned before. That life is simple when you have principles.
I truly believe this with all my heart and mind. Now, don't get this twisted. I'm NOT saying that life is EASY when you have principles, I'm saying life is SIMPLE which is something completely different.
Being consistent with your true principles is hard work. It forces you to put yourself out there, not accepting BS from others. Living with principles can actually be harder, because you'll want to be consistent and that often means that you can't allow yourself to succumb to whims or impulses that would put you in a position where you'd be living against them. But once you have them and commit to living by them, life is simple because deep in your heart we ALWAYS know what's the right thing to do (we always do) and so will be a personal choice whenever you decide not to act accordingly, knowing that if you need to think hard if something aligns to your principles or not, it probably doesn't and you'll be better off just dropping it. I hope you choose yours wisely, son. Because those who do, live fulfilling and meaningful lives and other people love being around them. If I could choose, this is the only thing I'd choose for your life.

On Values: The Fuel to fire the flame

Values are exactly what you know the word means. Values are the things that YOU value.

The stuff that is close to your heart, that you do giving your full self and that you'd do whether you'd get paid to do it or not. You're still evolving and have much more to evolve, I'm sure. But bear in mind son, that the things you choose to value starting now will shape the man you'll become. They'll shape your habits, your relationships, your results, your character and most of all your dreams.

In having values there are 3 things to watch out for though, to ensure that not only do your values support who you want to be (we'll talk about principles some other time :) ), but also to manage the risk of becoming a slave to your own values. These 3 key points are: finding, or better yet lead a tribe that shares your values, ensuring your actions are supportive of your values and finally that you love yourself enough to know they'll change and that's ok. Let's talk about them.

Finding, or better yet lead, a tribe that shares your values - don't try to go at life alone, son. You don't have to, and it makes everything much harder. I have to say this is something I personally struggle with, as I'm not very outgoing naturally. Something I'm working on :) in our age the world is instantly connected, and you look for it you'll surely find people that love what you love and can help you with advice, friendship and lifestyle alignment with like minded people. Seth Godin calls it "People like us are part of things like this". This was crucial for my own fat loss process. Alone, it would have been much harder but got and gave support to people I've never met.

ensuring your actions are supportive of your values - once you know what you value, you need to protect it. And you protect it, by making choices everyday  (big and small) that allow you to get spend your life providing a service or spending effort in attaining what you value. May sound easy, but life gets in the way son and people generally lose the sense of urgency that a life worth living begs for, and as a result fail to experience the feeling of accomplishment that comes from battling through life and standing up for what you believe in. I hope that's how you choose to live life. Don't ever lie to yourself, and please don't be delusional about who you are. Scott Ginsberg mentions it as " You do what you do because you can’t afford not to. Because that thing makes life possible for you. You do what you do because you’re ugly when you don’t". Don't be ugly :)

love yourself enough to know they'll change and that's ok - your values should be such that you always look forward to protect them, even if at times you may have to come to great lengths to live by them. But we evolve until we die (we choose so), and so it's just natural that what you want will evolve as well. Once your values stop resonating with you (not when they become hard to live by), do a soul search and ask yourself if that's what you still want, if that's who you still are and if not, change it. People struggle to let go most of the time, thinking they're frauds for giving up or changing their goals. Don't do that, son. Be true to yourself, always, and not a slave to everything that goes through your mind.

So choose to live life in your terms. Choose what it is you wish to protect and then, all you have to do is to remind yourself why you do what you do. If on your waking hours, you have a sense of what you want and what you need to do to get it, it's impossible to be just another cog in the system (like most people lead their lives). It'll propel everything you are in the direction that you chose, and there's no better way to live life.

On Pursuing your Dreams

It didn't take me long to choose what I wanted to tell you as my first letter to you, son. You're now about to reach adulthood and I'm hoping you'll have lots of dreams and things you want to do and achieve in life. Things that are precious to you, that you hold dear in your heart and mind. Things that every time you think about them, your pupils dilate, your heart races and you even get a bit anxious and scared and hopeful of what they'll feel and look like.

It's good to have those dreams, and today I can only hope that I was a good enough father to instil in you over these years that your dreams, YOUR dreams are worth whatever effort becomes necessary for you to achieve them.

But know this, son...

Most adults do NOT live their dreams, though they've all dreamt them. Most adults stopped believing that their dreams are possible, or just plain decided they're too much trouble.

Most adults come up with a million excuses on how LIFE got in the way, and so they're no longer ENTITLED to their dreams. That what's left for them to do, is to raise their children well in hope that their children will achieve either their personal dreams, or worst yet, that their children will achieve their father's dream for them.

When me and mum decided we were going to have a baby, everyone around me, it seemed, thought they should tell me how my life was now stalled forever and that all dreams I had about my personal achievements, career and life goals would now be meaningless and that I should give up on them because everything I should now do, should be focused on you and you only. That I, as an individual, should now be irrelevant.

And I do see many of my friends living like that. Devoid of passion in their daily work, being clock punchers looking at their watches all day to go back home, living  the "Thank God it's Friday" life going their whole weeks and lives wishing it was Friday, saying "Yes, sir" to everyone around them and believing they shouldn't take risks in their careers or spend effort in educating themselves, because that effort should be going towards getting STUFF for their own children.

I have two words for that, Rafael. Screw it! What man would I be trying to raise if I was devoid of passion? What example would I be giving you throughout your whole life if you couldn't see my passion and hunger for learning, on always improving and never being too good for school, learn more and be more? How could I stand here with a straight face saying you should be following YOUR dreams if I wasn't man enough to pursue mine? What kind of example would I be setting if all I did from now on was keep my current life as is, stopped evolving and pursuing the dreams I've always dreamt? What lessons about living would you be learning if that's all I did?

Neither you or your mum deserve a weak version of me, because if I couldn't follow my dreams, I could never support you as the strong man with a strong life I wish to be, that I've dreamt of being, that I've told myself was a non-negotiable. I promised your mum some years back that I will ALWAYS take care of her, no matter what becomes necessary. The day you were born and I looked into your eyes, you became part of that commitment too, and failing at it will never be an option.

But just as I had my nay-sayers, you'll have yours son. People around you won't be committed enough, strong enough or driven enough to work on their dreams and they'll try to convince you you can't have yours either.

Some of them out of envy, some of them out of resentment and worst yet, some of them even out of love. Yes, son, out of love. Because they'll tell themselves they want to save you from disappointment, from frustrations saying you shouldn't aim so high and just get a job you're decent at so you can support the family you'll one day have.

They won't believe in themselves, they won't be willing to make the sacrifices that everything that is good in life takes (because everything good takes hard work), they won't be willing to make adjustments in their own lives and they'll give you hundreds of readily available and socially acceptable excuses that we all (me included) sometimes fall back to justify why it is we can't do something.

But you need to know that you cannot wait on anyone else if you want to live YOUR life on YOUR terms, and you should NEVER have to ask for permission from others to do it. That no one else will care enough about your dreams to do the work on your behalf, and if you want something in life, you need to go out there and TAKE IT. It won't be there waiting for you, or on silver platter just ripe for you to pick up.

You'll have to carve your own path if you want to achieve your own dreams, and I can just hope that by keeping on doing it myself and not allowing others to tell me what my life should look like that I can lead by example and inspire you to live the life you'll, undoubtedly, dream of living.

Hello world!

Hello world,
I've decided to create a new blog so I can put down in words all the things that go through my mind since my son, Rafael, was born. There's so much I want to tell him, so much I want to share and I definitely don't want to lose any of it.
So I created this blog in which I'm writing to my 16 year old Rafael, as most of the subjects I wish to speak of he'll probably not fully grasp what they mean before then.
This is also part of my commitment to my family. I know all too well what results from sometimes we forgetting what it is we stand for, as adults. That's what led me to be overweight before and I never want to go back to that place.
So I'm putting things in words, so I can remind myself of the values and principles with which I wish to raise my son. So I can check it regularly and assess if I'm doing what I hold sacred to my heart and the father and man I CHOSE to become, or if I'm letting life take the best of me and letting myself down. This really is something I'm doing for myself and my son, not for anyone else but I believe in the value of making commitments public so I can be held accountable to them.
Would be great though, if what I write can be of help to anyone else so feel free to read and share it if you believe it's worthy of it! :)

Cheers,
Mario