On feeling and acting: the tiny space in between

 s we go about life and living, we feel feelings. It’s part of being human, a healthy human, and perfectly normal and that’s something which unites all of us.

What does set  some apart from others, is how much we let those feelings command or dictate our actions.

You, Rafael, tend to live with your “heart in your mouth” and that’s probably common and expected as you’re almost 8 years old as I write this, but I also have a feeling that me and your mum have been failing in giving you the tools so you can support your own emotional intelligence and emotional development. I hope I can do better. But let’s explore here both the impact and options all of us when dealing with our feelings.

When you feel those feelings, you most often let them rule over the actions that follow, which becomes particularly notable when something upsets you or makes you sad. But you should know, it doesn’t have to be that way.

It doesn’t have to be that way, because between feeling and acting, there’s a tiny space. A tiny space that, as you grow, I hope you get proficient at making use of.

It’s in this tiny space that all of us have the opportunity to introduce who we want to be, who we decide we are and impact we wish to have on others around us.

The way we react can be thought of as our lower self. It’s who we are when we are mindlessly going through life, when are not deliberate in our actions. But in that tiny space, there’s an opportunity we all must learn to take. It’s the opportunity to be mindful. A tiny space of deliberate action and responses, where we can put our philosophy in action.

Those of us who do so (or strive to do so consistently, but nonetheless sometimes fail) tend to do better for ourselves and for those around us, the ones we love and wish to serve.

This happens because in that tiny space, we give ourselves the opportunity to not only think of our immediate needs and wants, but use it to also consider how our traction can affect those around us. If it will make them sad, upset or unhappy. In that tiny space, we can realise our actions aren’t just our own as they affect those around us too. We can consider if it will be a good example of appropriate and mindful action (you’re not just you, Rafael. You’re a son, and a big brother and both of those come with increasing responsibilities as you grow older), or of will set a bad precedent or escalate fights or arguments with those around you.

I myself often struggle with making use of that tiny space, and something I’ll have to keep working on through my life, but I’m also sure that you’ll recognise my periodic use of it. And I try to do it, because I love you and our family and I understand the impact of me not doing it in how you and your sister can grow up to be emotionally intelligent adults (or not).

Rafael, try to catch yourself when you’re about to give in to immediate reactions and give yourself the blessing of that tiny space, the space of thoughtfulness and consideration of impact of what we do on others so you can act in accordance with who you want to be, who you decide you’ll be.