On Judgment: The lens into the world around us

Popular wisdom tells us we shouldn't judge anyone around us, at least we've walked the proverbial mile in their shoes. And as far as advice goes, I don’t have a problem with that.

As a society, it does seem like humans spend more time talking about the celebrities and the gossip, always having an opinion on what and who they are and what they should be doing. That’s weak behaviour. That’s sheep attitude. (A judgement here :))

The main issue with being judgmental is that, when it comes to anyone else but us, you’ll never have the whole picture and there will always be pieces of information missing so whatever one judges, will be incomplete and unreliable so generally speaking it’s an exercise worth avoiding.

To avoid being judgmental, there’s a very simple rule of thumb and it comes down to language used. When you feel the need (hopefully will happen seldom and only with people who you believe will listen to the message and do something about it, as a friendship or love exercise) to “judge”, instead just focus on the facts at hand and avoid altercations of higher significance.

Talk about what you see people do, and the results they apparently get from it as a result of those same behaviours and just leave it at that. No point in doing extrapolations over and above what is fact and observable.

Judgement is like a lens in front of our eyes. When people judge, they see differently. They perceive others in a way that confirms the judgement that was held previously, and they’ll treat other people in ways that will only confirm the judgement. Let’s use an example:

If you judge someone as lazy, and see them sitting for 30 min whilst everyone else is up, you’ll see that as confirmation of your judgement, and not consider the possibility of that person to be tired from bad sleep for a while.

To avoid being judgmental is easy. You just have to know who you are and why you do what you do, and appreciate that others will be their own selves and have their own personal reasons, motivations and fears that make them act and think in a certain way. And that all those reasons, motivations and fears will be as significant to them as yours are to you.

And because we all reap what we sow, there’s no point in judging anyway. We all have in life what we deserve and worked for, based on the person we've been thus far and on how we think. And most people won’t change their thinking, so they’ll never change their world.

 So, Rafael, the advice is to never judge anyone you don’t know, and even if you have the thoughts on your head, share them only with those you love and know will listen and act on it. For every other case, keep your opinions to yourself because they won’t be welcomed and people will resent you when you do.

Also, avoid thinking of yourself from a higher moral ground (I've struggled with this in the past).

We’re all where we should be, and our way of seeing the world isn't necessarily the only right or correct one. And know you are who and how you are because a combination of you were brought up and,  personal experiences with the world around you and mainly the way you think about challenges and adversity so everyone else will have a different model of the world than you do. Their lens will be different so they’ll see and behave differently.