Popular wisdom tells us we shouldn't judge anyone around us,
at least we've walked the proverbial mile in their shoes. And as far as advice
goes, I don’t have a problem with that.
As a society, it does seem like humans spend more time
talking about the celebrities and the gossip, always having an opinion on what
and who they are and what they should be doing. That’s weak behaviour. That’s
sheep attitude. (A judgement here :))
The main issue with being judgmental is that, when it comes
to anyone else but us, you’ll never have the whole picture and there will
always be pieces of information missing so whatever one judges, will be
incomplete and unreliable so generally speaking it’s an exercise worth avoiding.
To avoid being judgmental, there’s a very simple rule of
thumb and it comes down to language used. When you feel the need (hopefully
will happen seldom and only with people who you believe will listen to the
message and do something about it, as a friendship or love exercise) to “judge”,
instead just focus on the facts at hand and avoid altercations of higher
significance.
Talk about what you see people do, and the results they
apparently get from it as a result of those same behaviours and just leave it
at that. No point in doing extrapolations over and above what is fact and
observable.
Judgement is like a lens in front of our eyes. When people
judge, they see differently. They perceive others in a way that confirms the
judgement that was held previously, and they’ll treat other people in ways that
will only confirm the judgement. Let’s use an example:
If you judge someone as lazy, and see them sitting for 30
min whilst everyone else is up, you’ll see that as confirmation of your
judgement, and not consider the possibility of that person to be tired from bad
sleep for a while.
To avoid being judgmental is easy. You just have to know
who you are and why you do what you do, and appreciate that others will be
their own selves and have their own personal reasons, motivations and fears
that make them act and think in a certain way. And that all those reasons,
motivations and fears will be as significant to them as yours are to you.
And because we all reap what we sow, there’s no point in
judging anyway. We all have in life what we deserve and worked for, based on
the person we've been thus far and on how we think. And most people won’t
change their thinking, so they’ll never change their world.
So, Rafael, the
advice is to never judge anyone you don’t know, and even if you have the
thoughts on your head, share them only with those you love and know will listen
and act on it. For every other case, keep your opinions to yourself because
they won’t be welcomed and people will resent you when you do.
Also, avoid thinking of yourself from a higher moral ground
(I've struggled with this in the past).
We’re all where we should be, and our way of seeing the
world isn't necessarily the only right or correct one. And know you are who and
how you are because a combination of you were brought up and, personal experiences with the world around you
and mainly the way you think about challenges and adversity so everyone else
will have a different model of the world than you do. Their lens will be
different so they’ll see and behave differently.
