Hi Rafael,
It's been a few years since I blogged here. Been some busy years, including changing countries, depression and trying to find myself back again. A lot has changed, a lot has stayed the same, but I've now re-found philosophy in my life and wish to continue where I left off.
And what better way to start again, than with telling you about my own struggles. Particularly, with regards to self-discipline. Certainly something I've been hyper-focused for over 6 months now. again, as I was back when I wrote periodically on this blog, but that in between I lost on myself.
I can't know the type of man you'll grow up to be. That's up to you and how you perceive your context. and your circumstances. But in being your father, I realise I'm often not fair to you. Because Self-discipline is just that, Self. The queue is in the name. I can demand that from myself, and I should, but I need to be more compassionate, kind and understanding. I don't do this out of a want to be hard on you, but because I. see your. potential and would love to see you flourish into a disciplined man.
But here's the problem, one can only be strict with oneself. It's not up to me to enforce it on you. All I can hope is that my own self-discipline may inspire you to do the same, and to be tolerant of how you, your sister and your mum choose to live your own lives.
This is my struggle, but one as old as humans.
Cato (the philosopher) knew this. He said "I am prepared to forgive everyone's mistakes but my own"
Ben Franklin knew this. He. said "Search others. for their virtues, thyself for tthy vices"
Marcus Aurelius (the philosopher king) knew this. He said "Be tolerant with others, and strict with yourself"
I need to remind of what these great men said, and I need to embody these values more. That's on me. Just know that I often don't live up these ideals, not because I'm mean, but that it comes from a place of love and wanting the best for you. I apologise for my transgressions and promise I'll keep working on improving this within me.
And I must do it, for many different reasons. Not only to ensure I don't get to regret the impact it could have on our relationship, but also because taking care of my own self-discipline is hard enough work.
As Ryan Holiday (Stoic author) writes:
"The only person you get to be hard on is you. It will take every ounce of your self-control to enforce that, and not because it's hard to be hard on yourself, but because it's so hard to let other people get away with things you'd never allow on yourself"
This is true, and hits like a ton of bricks. Trying t o escape my own faults, will take more than a lifetime will allow me, so that's what I must focus on.
Maybe one day, if you decide to become a parent, you'll understand better where I'm coming from, and the reasons for my behaviour. Or maybe you'll be a better man than me, and from day one, you'll be way more compassionate and understanding than I am. I can only hope for that to be the case.
In the meantime, I'll be working on my self-discipline, and. hoping that what I show you day in and day one may one day inspire to choose for yourself to live a life of self-discipline. Because those who do, always live lives worth living and legacy's they can be proud of.
